Week 5, Day 4 - Just A Picture

I stole this from his phone. He'll probably make me take it down when he finds out. Even though you can't see his face and it's kinda blurry, I think he makes one good-lookin cop! I can't wait to see him in his full uniform with all his gear. Quarter of the way through!

Week 4, Day 4 - A New Life

Luke Update:
Luke and his class will be spending the next few weeks at the firing range with their guns. Last Friday they practiced drawing and firing drills. Halfway through the day their training officer threw in "cardio firing drills". Its one thing to draw and fire when you're concentrating and breathing is slow and steady, it's a whole different game when firing while out of breath with the blood pumping through you head which slows your thinking. The officer would have them sprint a mile or do 20 burbees (sp?) and then draw and fire. They also did the same type of drills when practicing handcuffing. He has a huge exam tomorrow. I looked over his notes and wow, some of the definitions of the law are confusing! He got in "trouble" for leaving his wedding ring in the gym. The TAC Officer said he had to do a "self-report" to his wife on why it was left there.


This morning found me on the floor playing with my daughter. The sun was streaming through the windows, I had coffee in my mug next to me, and a tank top and skirt on me. It may sound like a dull morning to you, but I found myself wondering:

"Does it get any better than this?"

Between sips of coffee and little baby giggles I came to this conclusion: Nope, it doesn't get better. 


My days of waking up at 4:30 and heading to the office at 5:30 are over. Company parties, department lunches, co-workers birthdays, non-stop calls, and answering hundreds of e-mails daily are no longer part of my life. I've traded it in for baby squeals and screams, spit-up covered shirts and dirty diapers, cooking, shopping, and cleaning. I cannot tell you just how big a change this is for me. I started working at age 14 and never stopped. Even while in college I took on three jobs to pay the bills. I never could imagine what it would be like to no longer have a "real job". I loved working and being part of the office dynamics and drama. It was exhilarating, entertaining, and kept me learning consistently. Not to mention, I loved the paychecks!


Now I wake up at around 7:00. I feed my daughter, get a cup of coffee, throw in a load of laundry, and play with her. What a change from before! Sometimes the stir-crazy creeps up on me and sometimes I long for the learning and adult interaction I would receive from my job. I worry that I may be losing brain cells since my only companion is a 4-month old baby. I wish I knew what was going on in my department and I hope someone is taking good care of my dear customers (especially the retired war veteran who would call me daily from Niagara Falls, NY). Even though my life is new and nothing is the same I can honestly say:


"It doesn't get any better than this"


"A baby in the house is a well-spring of pleasure, 
a messenger of peace and love, a resting place for 
innocence on earth, a link between angels and men."


 ~  Martin Fraquhar Tupper

Week 2, Day 1

Luke Update: 


Aced his first test (which some of the seniors says is the hardest one), is a contender for class president (I have mixed feelings about that), and is drowning in assignments! Saturday we were up well past midnight working on papers, memos, and case studies. He lost 4 pounds the first week and weighs less than he did on our wedding day (has lost a total of 27 pounds since March). Personally I like a man who is not skinny so I am looking forward to putting some meat back on him once this is over. My favorite part of the weekend was learning the defensive tactics he was taught. If I'm ever in danger of being arrested, I have a pretty good idea of how to get away since I know what moves they're gonna use....not that I'm planning on getting arrested anytime soon. He is struggling with time management and prioritizing his projects so he will have to get a handle on that, but overall week one was a great success! It's still a long, long road in front of him though and he still has doubts that he will pass everything in order to graduate. 


Did you Know:
Bullet proof vests have an expiration date on them and,
22% of rookie cops will wear sunglasses while it is dark outside. Cool dudes ya know..


Week two is starting out much harder than week one for me. My motivation and energy is way down. It took all my will power just to throw in a load of laundry this morning. I miss him much more this week and can't wait for Friday. Gwen is my little sidekick though and we have lots to do together, but right now that little sidekick needs to take a nap!

Saying Goodbye

Day 3, Week 1 - The Wills and Will Nots

Luke Update:


Luke calls at about 5:20 every day. They have to be done with training by 5:00 otherwise Luke and the other recruits get paid overtime and none of their departments want to pay overtime. He is doing very well. He sent me pictures of his room and some of the facilities whch unfortunately I'm not allowed to post. I was surprised how spacious and nice the dorms were. According to the seniors, yesterday for the new recruits was "Hell Day" and this whole week is called "Hell Week". I was so anxious to hear from Luke to see how he survived. I asked him to tell me honestly how it was and this was his reply: "It is SO Awesome!" Enough said.


Here is my little list of the will and will nots for my summer while Luke is away:

I will make the bed every day (a habit which I let slip while Luke was on swing shift. It's hard to make a bed while there is still someone in it).

I will not neglect my nails. Luke loves it when I've taken the time to give myself a pedicure and in the Summer time when flip-flops and going barefoot are the norm, I have to make sure I keep my nails looking pristine!

I will have the kitchen completely spotless before going to sleep each night.

I will not once feel sorry for myself that I am husbandless 5 nights out of the week.

I will get 20 minutes of exercise in every day. Most of the time it will be more than this, but it will be at least this.

I will spend an hour in the morning and an hour in the evening organizing and cleaning.

I will use the same plate, cup, and utensils, throughout the day. Rinse and reuse, rinse and reuse....

I will not burden Luke with anything while he is home. For the next 5 months he needs to be completely focused and I will be just fine.

I will take care of all car maintenance from here on out. He doesn't need to spend his valuable free time changing the oil and replacing break lights.

I will show Gwen pictures of her Daddy every day and tell her how wonderful he is.

I will take a picture of Gwen each day so Luke can see the cute outfits I dress her in.

I will not neglect my hair or makeup just because my husband is gone. That is a dangerous road to go down!

I will skimp on the mascara while he gone to save a little $$.

I will not hog Luke on the weekends. I understand he will want to see his family and friends sometimes.

I will not be stressed or guilty if I fail to meet some of my goals.

I will pray Luke multiple times throughout the day.

I will thank the Lord every day that I get to be a stay-at-home Mom to my little girl and future children (more on this to come).

Day One, Week One

He's gone. Left 9:30 this morning. Gwen and I stood on the sidewalk and watched as he was about to leave our sight. True to our tradition he pulled a U-turn and headed back up the hill for one last kiss (this was a tradition started while we were engaged; we would always turn around for one last kiss). When he did finally leave our sight I headed back to the house and let myself cry 10 minutes. The 10 minutes are gone and now it's time to pick myself up, straighten the house up, and get on with Summer! The next five months will be strange for the three of us, but I'm excited for them. I have this list of goals that I have been wanting to accomplish for some time now and this is my chance! Here is my list:

Redecorate our bedroom
Visit the seniors in church weekly
Lose the baby weight!
Take a kickboxing class
Re-memorize the book of James
Start up an account at Labels so I never have to pay another $ for clothes
Learn to bake my Mom's cinnamon rolls as well as she does
Dive deep into God's Word every day rather than just checking a box saying I read my Bible
Write at least two blog posts per week so I never forget this season of life we are in

Even with my husband gone, it looks like Gwen and I are going to have a busy, fantastic Summer! I refuse to feel sorry for myself when God has blessed us so much and has given us exactly what we asked for. I praise Him for his goodness to me and my little family.

Gwendolyn

March 1st, 3:14 am (10 days before Gwen's due date)

I wake up to a dull pain in my lower back. I flip open my phone and groan when I realize I have to get up in little over an hour for work. At least I still had an hour. I flop over and try to find a comfortable spot for my large pregnant stomach. Sleep slowly comes back when suddenly the back spasm came again. I adjust my five pillows roll over and try again to fall asleep. The same dull throb hits again.

"Well this is just great"

By now it was a little after 4:00 am and I decide to give up on sleep and take my shower; maybe get to work early and make up for some lost time the day before. The warm shower water feels so good on my back and the pain is gone. I start shampooing my hair when suddenly the same sharp pain hits again, but in my stomach this time and not my back.  I freeze. The pain isn't bad at all; just annoying. It hits and then leaves 5 seconds later. Two more stomach pains hit while in the shower. I hop out, grab my phone and wait for the next one to hit. It came at about 4:45, and then another came at 5:00, and another at 5:15. I crawl back into bed and whisper to Luke:

"Luke, just so you know I might be in labor, but I don't think so, so go back to sleep. Sorry to wake you.'

He mumbles something about something and asks if I am okay, but was fast asleep again. I sit in bed for a while and just think about it. Should I call into work? No, I left work early yesterday I have to go in. What if this is real and I can't get back home? What if it isn't real and I feel super stupid. I just saw my midwife yesterday and there was no sign of labor hitting.

There is one key component I have learned while being pregnant: If I have a question about anything, call Mom. Call her even if it's 5:30 am.

Mom answers on the 2nd ring. She has never once complained about being wakened up at all hours of the night by her children. I explain what I am feeling and ask for her opinion. She advises not going into work and to wait an hour or two just to see. Many times labors start and the stop themselves. She says to go back to bed and try to sleep. If it doesn't go away call my midwife to give her the heads up.

Sleep? My adrenaline is going a bit to fast for sleep, but I lay back down. I time a few more contractions which are now eight minutes apart. I text work, explain what was happening, and say I will see them in an hour or two. Luke wakes up for work and makes sure I am comfortable. He asks if he should stay home, but I insist he go and not waste a vacation day. I set up shop on our couch and turn on the "Biggest Loser". If nothing else, I would catch an episode or two of this addictive reality show about people losing weight. Luke leaves me with his stopwatch and shows me how to use it so I can accurately time the contractions.

8:00 am

Luke has been at work for one hour when I call him and asked him to come back home. I need him here. My contractions are now five minutes apart. They are throwing me for a loop though because they are not very painful. A part of me thinks this isn't real yet. It's a funny situation to be in. Half of me didn't want another one to hit, but then the other half was scared it wouldn't because that meant no baby today and I would have to feel silly going to work over nothing. Was this really happening?

8:30

 Luke is home and I decide to bake cookies to keep my mind off of the contractions. A quick call to my midwife to give her the heads up and then I start in on my double recipe of chocolate chip cookies. We were out of peanut butter. I send Luke to the store for some peanut butter and ask him to hurry. Everything was ready for the cookies. The wet and dry ingredients just needed to be mixed after Luke bought the peanut butter. Typical Luke brought home more than peanut butter! He also has in the bag Dreyer's Girl Scout Cookie ice-cream. As he walks through the door he finds me on my hands and knees on the floor in the middle of a contraction, a painful one. He makes a fist and presses it hard into my lower back countering the pressure of the contraction. It feels good.

9:12

The cookies were forgotten. I eat a bowl of ice-cream and try to stay comfortable. I go from the floor, to the couch, to the exercise ball, to pacing.

"Luke! We don't have my playlist ready for labor on my ipod! I need my music; this list of songs is in your inbox."

Luke sets out on the task of getting my playlist ready. It takes him a long time because every five minutes I call him to come help me through a contraction. They are getting worse but not terrible, and only lasting about 40 seconds.

10:22 am



11:00am

I call my midwife again while gasping through a contraction. I think it's time to head over, but first I throw up all the ice-cream that I had eaten. At least it coming back up didn't taste half bad. Luke and I grab our bags, water, carseat, ipod, phones (very important), and anything else we thought we might need. I call Mom who was at Target picking up last minute baby items that I had never gotten around to buying (I still had at least 10 days left or so I thought). She would meet us at the birth center.

Noon

We arrive at the birth center after the most painful car ride of my life. My Mom had been right. My midwife met us at the door and showed us to our room. It was lovely. The lighting was soft, there were candles, the queen sized bed had a beautiful comforter and there was a porcelain tub in the corner. There was also a little bathroom off to the side. Immediately Luke sets up the ipod and turns on my playlist. I start pacing. Then I move the exercise ball-my favorite place to be during the whole process.

12:20

My midwife listens for Gwen's heartbeat and it is strong steady. She has me lie on the bed so she can check my progression. Having to lie still during a contraction was awful. My Mom starts rubbing my feet which helps. I am devastated to learn I am only dilated 2 1/2 cm, but she was able to stretch it to 3. My world collapses as I think to myself:

"If I'm only at 3 and the contractions hurt this badly; what am I going to do when I get to 8 or 9?"

I ask if we can stay and not go back home. The thought of going back home makes me sick. My midwife agrees to let us stay.

1:00-2:00 pm

The contractions are painful and steady and manageable. When a bad one hits Luke squeezes my hips together with his knees and kneads his fist into my lower back. This alleviates so much of the pain. I start to panic a little knowing I have such a long road in front of me. My Mom insists that it won't be much longer. She says I am progressing fast and was following her pattern of delivery almost exactly. I desperately want to believe, but I am scared to hope. I start chewing on ice chips. They don't help.

2:20

Contractions are now 2 minutes apart. I hate them. Luke and Mom help me through each one. One at a time. One at a time. You can do it. I knew there was at least a break in between each one which helps me mentally. An excruciating one hits. I stay calm. I wait for it to end. It doesn't. Another one builds on that one and then a third one builds on that one. Four minutes later the contraction eases and I am moaning saying I can't/won't do this anymore. The whole time I knew I could and would, but it feels good to say I couldn't. My legs start shaking and my Mom thinks she should find the midwife.

"No, don't!. I know I'm not even halfway done. It will just make me depressed to be checked again and I'm only at 4 or 5."

2:45

My midwife listens for Gwen's heartbeat and it is still steady and strong. She checks me and I am now at 8. I can barely breath now. I'm wearing a long black skirt, tank-top, and black sweater. They ask me if I want to change into something more comfortable. I say no and pull the hood up over my face. I want to be cozy I said. I need some encouragement badly. I ask my Mom and midwife:
"If I were at the hospital would it be to late for an epidural?"

The laugh and say absolutely it would be to late.Relief and energy floods through me. I did it. I made it without medication. Luke whispers in my ear how great I'm doing and how proud of me he is. He whispers:

"You got this babe; you know you do."


3:00

My midwife suggests I move to the birthing stool so we can let gravity help. My water hasn't broken so she asks if I want her to break it which would make the contractions more intense, but would maybe speed the process up. I agree and during the most painful contraction yet she breaks the water and I scream and my body starts pushing automatically. I hear my midwife ask my Mom if she see the miconium stain in the water. My Mom says yes and they immediately try to hear Gwen's heartbeat. It has dropped dramatically.

"We need you on the bed now. I'm going to press on your stomach and help get her out before she gets the miconium in her lungs."

 I didn't exactly know what miconium was, but knew it was very bad.

3:13

They start to stand to get me on the bed. Suddenly a contraction hits and my body starts pushing automatically again. I can't stop it if I tried. I close my eyes and yell. It feels so good to yell. Through the yelling and the pain I hear my midwife:

"Kimi, Kimi, look at me. Look at me! Chin down. Chin down."

I'm confused. Now Luke is telling me to listen and then I hear my Mom say:

"Kimi! Listen to her! Chin down. She's here; she's coming right now!"

I put my chin down and push with all my strength. Nothing will stop me.

3:16 pm

I see my Gwen for the first time.

“Making babies is fun. Raising children is hard work; don’t quit.”
- Mark Driscoll