March 1st, 3:14 am (10 days before Gwen's due date)
I wake up to a dull pain in my lower back. I flip open my phone and groan when I realize I have to get up in little over an hour for work. At least I still had an hour. I flop over and try to find a comfortable spot for my large pregnant stomach. Sleep slowly comes back when suddenly the back spasm came again. I adjust my five pillows roll over and try again to fall asleep. The same dull throb hits again.
"Well this is just great"
By now it was a little after 4:00 am and I decide to give up on sleep and take my shower; maybe get to work early and make up for some lost time the day before. The warm shower water feels so good on my back and the pain is gone. I start shampooing my hair when suddenly the same sharp pain hits again, but in my stomach this time and not my back. I freeze. The pain isn't bad at all; just annoying. It hits and then leaves 5 seconds later. Two more stomach pains hit while in the shower. I hop out, grab my phone and wait for the next one to hit. It came at about 4:45, and then another came at 5:00, and another at 5:15. I crawl back into bed and whisper to Luke:
"Luke, just so you know I might be in labor, but I don't think so, so go back to sleep. Sorry to wake you.'
He mumbles something about something and asks if I am okay, but was fast asleep again. I sit in bed for a while and just think about it. Should I call into work? No, I left work early yesterday I have to go in. What if this is real and I can't get back home? What if it isn't real and I feel super stupid. I just saw my midwife yesterday and there was no sign of labor hitting.
There is one key component I have learned while being pregnant: If I have a question about anything, call Mom. Call her even if it's 5:30 am.
Mom answers on the 2nd ring. She has never once complained about being wakened up at all hours of the night by her children. I explain what I am feeling and ask for her opinion. She advises not going into work and to wait an hour or two just to see. Many times labors start and the stop themselves. She says to go back to bed and try to sleep. If it doesn't go away call my midwife to give her the heads up.
Sleep? My adrenaline is going a bit to fast for sleep, but I lay back down. I time a few more contractions which are now eight minutes apart. I text work, explain what was happening, and say I will see them in an hour or two. Luke wakes up for work and makes sure I am comfortable. He asks if he should stay home, but I insist he go and not waste a vacation day. I set up shop on our couch and turn on the "Biggest Loser". If nothing else, I would catch an episode or two of this addictive reality show about people losing weight. Luke leaves me with his stopwatch and shows me how to use it so I can accurately time the contractions.
8:00 am
Luke has been at work for one hour when I call him and asked him to come back home. I need him here. My contractions are now five minutes apart. They are throwing me for a loop though because they are not very painful. A part of me thinks this isn't real yet. It's a funny situation to be in. Half of me didn't want another one to hit, but then the other half was scared it wouldn't because that meant no baby today and I would have to feel silly going to work over nothing. Was this really happening?
8:30
Luke is home and I decide to bake cookies to keep my mind off of the contractions. A quick call to my midwife to give her the heads up and then I start in on my double recipe of chocolate chip cookies. We were out of peanut butter. I send Luke to the store for some peanut butter and ask him to hurry. Everything was ready for the cookies. The wet and dry ingredients just needed to be mixed after Luke bought the peanut butter. Typical Luke brought home more than peanut butter! He also has in the bag Dreyer's Girl Scout Cookie ice-cream. As he walks through the door he finds me on my hands and knees on the floor in the middle of a contraction, a painful one. He makes a fist and presses it hard into my lower back countering the pressure of the contraction. It feels good.
9:12
The cookies were forgotten. I eat a bowl of ice-cream and try to stay comfortable. I go from the floor, to the couch, to the exercise ball, to pacing.
"Luke! We don't have my playlist ready for labor on my ipod! I need my music; this list of songs is in your inbox."
Luke sets out on the task of getting my playlist ready. It takes him a long time because every five minutes I call him to come help me through a contraction. They are getting worse but not terrible, and only lasting about 40 seconds.
10:22 am
11:00am
I call my midwife again while gasping through a contraction. I think it's time to head over, but first I throw up all the ice-cream that I had eaten. At least it coming back up didn't taste half bad. Luke and I grab our bags, water, carseat, ipod, phones (very important), and anything else we thought we might need. I call Mom who was at Target picking up last minute baby items that I had never gotten around to buying (I still had at least 10 days left or so I thought). She would meet us at the birth center.
Noon
We arrive at the birth center after the most painful car ride of my life. My Mom had been right. My midwife met us at the door and showed us to our room. It was lovely. The lighting was soft, there were candles, the queen sized bed had a beautiful comforter and there was a porcelain tub in the corner. There was also a little bathroom off to the side. Immediately Luke sets up the ipod and turns on my playlist. I start pacing. Then I move the exercise ball-my favorite place to be during the whole process.
12:20
My midwife listens for Gwen's heartbeat and it is strong steady. She has me lie on the bed so she can check my progression. Having to lie still during a contraction was awful. My Mom starts rubbing my feet which helps. I am devastated to learn I am only dilated 2 1/2 cm, but she was able to stretch it to 3. My world collapses as I think to myself:
"If I'm only at 3 and the contractions hurt this badly; what am I going to do when I get to 8 or 9?"
I ask if we can stay and not go back home. The thought of going back home makes me sick. My midwife agrees to let us stay.
1:00-2:00 pm
The contractions are painful and steady and manageable. When a bad one hits Luke squeezes my hips together with his knees and kneads his fist into my lower back. This alleviates so much of the pain. I start to panic a little knowing I have such a long road in front of me. My Mom insists that it won't be much longer. She says I am progressing fast and was following her pattern of delivery almost exactly. I desperately want to believe, but I am scared to hope. I start chewing on ice chips. They don't help.
2:20
Contractions are now 2 minutes apart. I hate them. Luke and Mom help me through each one. One at a time. One at a time. You can do it. I knew there was at least a break in between each one which helps me mentally. An excruciating one hits. I stay calm. I wait for it to end. It doesn't. Another one builds on that one and then a third one builds on that one. Four minutes later the contraction eases and I am moaning saying I can't/won't do this anymore. The whole time I knew I could and would, but it feels good to say I couldn't. My legs start shaking and my Mom thinks she should find the midwife.
"No, don't!. I know I'm not even halfway done. It will just make me depressed to be checked again and I'm only at 4 or 5."
2:45
My midwife listens for Gwen's heartbeat and it is still steady and strong. She checks me and I am now at 8. I can barely breath now. I'm wearing a long black skirt, tank-top, and black sweater. They ask me if I want to change into something more comfortable. I say no and pull the hood up over my face. I want to be cozy I said. I need some encouragement badly. I ask my Mom and midwife:
"If I were at the hospital would it be to late for an epidural?"
The laugh and say absolutely it would be to late.Relief and energy floods through me. I did it. I made it without medication. Luke whispers in my ear how great I'm doing and how proud of me he is. He whispers:
"You got this babe; you know you do."
3:00
My midwife suggests I move to the birthing stool so we can let gravity help. My water hasn't broken so she asks if I want her to break it which would make the contractions more intense, but would maybe speed the process up. I agree and during the most painful contraction yet she breaks the water and I scream and my body starts pushing automatically. I hear my midwife ask my Mom if she see the miconium stain in the water. My Mom says yes and they immediately try to hear Gwen's heartbeat. It has dropped dramatically.
"We need you on the bed now. I'm going to press on your stomach and help get her out before she gets the miconium in her lungs."
I didn't exactly know what miconium was, but knew it was very bad.
3:13
They start to stand to get me on the bed. Suddenly a contraction hits and my body starts pushing automatically again. I can't stop it if I tried. I close my eyes and yell. It feels so good to yell. Through the yelling and the pain I hear my midwife:
"Kimi, Kimi, look at me. Look at me! Chin down. Chin down."
I'm confused. Now Luke is telling me to listen and then I hear my Mom say:
"Kimi! Listen to her! Chin down. She's here; she's coming right now!"
I put my chin down and push with all my strength. Nothing will stop me.
3:16 pm
I see my Gwen for the first time.
