It was nearly midnight. I had just gotten home. He had been taking care of the kids and studying for his DT Instructor course. I plopped on the couch and started telling him about my day. I talked, talked, and talked. He smiled, engaged, and asked questions. Finally around 1:00 am we climbed into bed and he asked me to set the alarm clock.
"So early?! You have to get up that early?"
I asked in disbelief.
"Why did you let me talk for so long? Why didn't you tell me?"
With no accusation or annoyance in his voice he turned over, started playing with my hair, and said:
"You needed to talk and I needed to listen. It's simple."
Friday, June 12, 2015
Tuesday, May 19, 2015
Fast Forward
We're living in fast forward. Every day is packed. Not necessarily for me or the kids, but for him. We keep our calendar open and on the counter throughout the day. We try to memorize the next few days in advance so nothing is missed. We have training schedules taped to our refrigerator. We need to sync our phone calendars. We catch up on his break over the phone. I expect him home around 4:00 pm, he consistently swings in around midnight or later. Last night after a 15 hour shift I felt his exhausted body fall into bed next to mine. Our bedroom is full of gear. My one-year-old can identify more tactical gear than most grownups. Sometimes we leave church early to catch a few minutes with him at work. The girls love it. The stories are better than ever. I love it. Going to parties alone is normal. I'm becoming more independent by the hour. I still need him. Movies nights turn into hour long phone calls and text message battles. Becoming mission ready takes precedent over everything. Someday the craziness will end, maybe we'll have a normal schedule. But for now this is our life and I wouldn't want it any other way.
To see the sanctification on his face, to hear the excitement in his voice. It's more than worth it. When we are alone together the whole world stops and it's perfect. I'm grateful for this time no matter how short it may be or what will come next.
To see the sanctification on his face, to hear the excitement in his voice. It's more than worth it. When we are alone together the whole world stops and it's perfect. I'm grateful for this time no matter how short it may be or what will come next.
"I pray they'll understand,
underneath that badge there is a man.
A man who has a wife.
A man who is my life." ~Melissa Littles
Saturday, January 3, 2015
2014/2015
2014 was beautiful. There was no moving, no newborns, no pregnancies, no police academy, no FTO or probation. Like every year God was good in 2014. So very good.
Highlights
Luke publicly declaring Jesus as his Lord followed by his baptism. I continue to be awed by God's work in his life and it is an honor to be his wife.
Summer turning 1. We made it (barely) thru the baby stage! In my opinion, the toddler years are much easier/more fun than the baby years (but that's probably just me).
Karin and Zach and twins move back to Whactom County. Another request crossed out of the ole prayer journal.
Meeting my new nephew Issac and spending time with his Mommy (my oldest sister).
A privilege to be a bridesmaid for my dear childhood friend Crystal in July.
First family road trip to Moscow, ID for the above mentioned wedding. I still can't believe how well the girls did during the 8-hour car ride.
Gwen's first trip to the zoo and aquarium and watching her in pure delight as she fed Bamboo the elephant.
Having dear friends drive across the mountain to bring us real hardwood floors as a gift and then staying to install for free. Their generosity is amazing.
Being invited to attend the Whatcom County Law Enforcement Awards Banquet with my handsome officer.
Finally getting rid of our rock garden and putting in a lawn.
Nightly workouts with Luke and friends in our garage gym.
Having an emergency appendectomy in August. Call me weird, but it's actually a very pleasant memory. Not to mention all the help people gave me in the weeks following the surgery. I felt like I was on an extended vacation.
Spending the beautiful summer months in the best town on earth. Nightly walks to Edaleen, daily trips to the park and cruising around in a convertible.
Watching my daughters grow into friends (with plenty of fights thrown in).
Celebrating our 5th anniversary with hours and hours of jet-skiing and of course target practicing.
Watching our girl's enjoy the Christmas season and shaking from excitement Christmas morning.
Gwendolyn singing in the Sunday School Christmas program (or rather not sing and just floating around on stage).
Resolutions:
Renewed passion for Christ. For my family. For the mundane, everyday duties that a stay-at-home Mom has. For my church. For life.
Oh, and don't get pregnant. :)
Highlights
Luke publicly declaring Jesus as his Lord followed by his baptism. I continue to be awed by God's work in his life and it is an honor to be his wife.
Summer turning 1. We made it (barely) thru the baby stage! In my opinion, the toddler years are much easier/more fun than the baby years (but that's probably just me).
Karin and Zach and twins move back to Whactom County. Another request crossed out of the ole prayer journal.
Meeting my new nephew Issac and spending time with his Mommy (my oldest sister).
A privilege to be a bridesmaid for my dear childhood friend Crystal in July.
First family road trip to Moscow, ID for the above mentioned wedding. I still can't believe how well the girls did during the 8-hour car ride.
Gwen's first trip to the zoo and aquarium and watching her in pure delight as she fed Bamboo the elephant.
Having dear friends drive across the mountain to bring us real hardwood floors as a gift and then staying to install for free. Their generosity is amazing.
Being invited to attend the Whatcom County Law Enforcement Awards Banquet with my handsome officer.
Finally getting rid of our rock garden and putting in a lawn.
Nightly workouts with Luke and friends in our garage gym.
Having an emergency appendectomy in August. Call me weird, but it's actually a very pleasant memory. Not to mention all the help people gave me in the weeks following the surgery. I felt like I was on an extended vacation.
Spending the beautiful summer months in the best town on earth. Nightly walks to Edaleen, daily trips to the park and cruising around in a convertible.
Watching my daughters grow into friends (with plenty of fights thrown in).
Celebrating our 5th anniversary with hours and hours of jet-skiing and of course target practicing.
Watching our girl's enjoy the Christmas season and shaking from excitement Christmas morning.
Gwendolyn singing in the Sunday School Christmas program (or rather not sing and just floating around on stage).
Resolutions:
Renewed passion for Christ. For my family. For the mundane, everyday duties that a stay-at-home Mom has. For my church. For life.
Oh, and don't get pregnant. :)
Friday, May 16, 2014
Mother's Day 2014
Mother's Day 2014 I sat next to my husband enraptured by the morning's sermon. A sermon on the great responsibility we have to our children. My heart was happy and my soul was at peace. There was calmness in me. For the first time I was eager to hear a sermon like this. In the past I dreaded them. In the past it was all on me. I was alone with this burden of raising my kids to fear the Lord. I had a teammate in my husband, but not a soul mate. We didn't agree about God. He wasn't sure he believed in God. Sometimes I would leave church crying. Other times I would square my shoulders and tell myself I could handle it alone. Just me and God. Sometimes I would look over the audience hoping a wise older man would come smack some holiness into my husband. I was brave on the outside, but terrified on the inside. Could I do it by myself?
Mother's Day 2014 I have a soulmate. I have a teammate who believes, who has faith. Oh how life changes when you've got your husband working for you, with you, for your kids. That evening I told him thank-you. Thank-you for making me the happiest girl in the world. Thank-you for caring enough about me and our girls to seek advice, wisdom, and counsel. Thank-you for not just going through the motions, but seeking with all your heart and then finding. I told him that we are now unstoppable, unbreakable. We can change the world if we want because Christ is now in both of us.
Never take the gift of having a believing partner for granted. I know I never will.
Mother's Day 2014 I have a soulmate. I have a teammate who believes, who has faith. Oh how life changes when you've got your husband working for you, with you, for your kids. That evening I told him thank-you. Thank-you for making me the happiest girl in the world. Thank-you for caring enough about me and our girls to seek advice, wisdom, and counsel. Thank-you for not just going through the motions, but seeking with all your heart and then finding. I told him that we are now unstoppable, unbreakable. We can change the world if we want because Christ is now in both of us.
Never take the gift of having a believing partner for granted. I know I never will.
Friday, March 28, 2014
What it's Really Like
I found this on one of the Police Wives Forums. She put into words everyday life. I was shocked when someone questioned the strength of my marriage due to the fact Luke was "never around", but now I know that is just part of our life now. It's a journey being married to a cop, but a journey that I love!
"People have asked me, "So what's it like being married to a cop?" Do you know all of the cops and judges in the county? Do you get the inside scoop on the local trials? Do you get to run background checks on all of your friends and neighbors?"
Well...No, no, no, and NO!
But I will tel you what it REALLY is like to be married to a cop...
It's getting used to his swing shift schedule.
It's getting your kids used to his swing shift schedule.
It's spending weekends without him.
It's expecting him to be home at 2am then waking up at 3am and realizing that he's not home. Calling him to make sure he's okay and not being able to reach him. Panicking. Then finally hearing from him that he's okay...that he was dealing with a suicidal gunman...that he'll be home when he can...then trying to fall back asleep.
It's taking comfort in knowing that he works in a small department, where things don't get to exciting...until they do.
It's moving Christmas to the 23rd so he can see the kids open their gifts on "Christmas Morning".
It's spending Thanksgiving and New Year's Day, 4th of July, Memorial Day, Labor Day and all those special days that most families get to spend together without him.
It's sometimes spending those special days at his station in between calls.
It's going to family functions without him, even if it's with his family.
It's trying to explain to those who don't' understand why he doesn't come around.
It's hearing people question the strength of your marriage when he is never around.
It's sometimes sleeping alone and most of the time waking up alone.
It's putting things on hold.
It's hoping you will beat the odds of a "police marriage" when 78% of them fail, but understanding why they do.
It's helping him cope with a Chief who's forgotten what it's like to be a patrol office.
It's keeping the kids quiet during the day and explaining to them why Daddy sleeps when they don't.
It's being excited that you get to spend a day off with him...and finding out he has court or overtime or that his schedule has been changed again.
It's watching friends get together without the kids, when you just can't.
It's hearing about a fallen office and being sad while silently rejoicing that it wasn't him.
It's knowing that you are safe at home while it's raining, or storming, or snowing while he has to be out in the elements.
It's resisting the urge to barrage him with complaints about him, or the kids, or the house, or work...Because he has enough on his plate already.
It's FOP meetings, Association meetings, departmental meetings, All of which seem to occur when he's supposed to be off.
It's realizing the he's never really "off".
It's trying to not make him feel guilty about these things because you know he already does.
It's realizing how precious the time you have together really is because most the time, he's awake while you're asleep or asleep while your're awake, or somewhere in between. Rare are the days that you are actually on the same schedule. Yes, it's all of these things. Despite this all, it is also wonderful. Knowing what he does for this world...for the community...for our families...for our children. It is worth is.
~ Dorothy Ague
"People have asked me, "So what's it like being married to a cop?" Do you know all of the cops and judges in the county? Do you get the inside scoop on the local trials? Do you get to run background checks on all of your friends and neighbors?"
Well...No, no, no, and NO!
But I will tel you what it REALLY is like to be married to a cop...
It's getting used to his swing shift schedule.
It's getting your kids used to his swing shift schedule.
It's spending weekends without him.
It's expecting him to be home at 2am then waking up at 3am and realizing that he's not home. Calling him to make sure he's okay and not being able to reach him. Panicking. Then finally hearing from him that he's okay...that he was dealing with a suicidal gunman...that he'll be home when he can...then trying to fall back asleep.
It's taking comfort in knowing that he works in a small department, where things don't get to exciting...until they do.
It's moving Christmas to the 23rd so he can see the kids open their gifts on "Christmas Morning".
It's spending Thanksgiving and New Year's Day, 4th of July, Memorial Day, Labor Day and all those special days that most families get to spend together without him.
It's sometimes spending those special days at his station in between calls.
It's going to family functions without him, even if it's with his family.
It's trying to explain to those who don't' understand why he doesn't come around.
It's hearing people question the strength of your marriage when he is never around.
It's sometimes sleeping alone and most of the time waking up alone.
It's putting things on hold.
It's hoping you will beat the odds of a "police marriage" when 78% of them fail, but understanding why they do.
It's helping him cope with a Chief who's forgotten what it's like to be a patrol office.
It's keeping the kids quiet during the day and explaining to them why Daddy sleeps when they don't.
It's being excited that you get to spend a day off with him...and finding out he has court or overtime or that his schedule has been changed again.
It's watching friends get together without the kids, when you just can't.
It's hearing about a fallen office and being sad while silently rejoicing that it wasn't him.
It's knowing that you are safe at home while it's raining, or storming, or snowing while he has to be out in the elements.
It's resisting the urge to barrage him with complaints about him, or the kids, or the house, or work...Because he has enough on his plate already.
It's FOP meetings, Association meetings, departmental meetings, All of which seem to occur when he's supposed to be off.
It's realizing the he's never really "off".
It's trying to not make him feel guilty about these things because you know he already does.
It's realizing how precious the time you have together really is because most the time, he's awake while you're asleep or asleep while your're awake, or somewhere in between. Rare are the days that you are actually on the same schedule. Yes, it's all of these things. Despite this all, it is also wonderful. Knowing what he does for this world...for the community...for our families...for our children. It is worth is.
~ Dorothy Ague
Thursday, March 20, 2014
What It Is
*In two weeks night shift for my officer will turn to swing shift.
*Which means I go to bed alone and wake up with a man next to me. Scandalous!
*The past 6 weeks have been the 2nd most challenging journey in my life.
*I love Luke more than I could ever hope to express.
*I'm frustrated with rules.
*More than anything I want to love God and my family and finally not care what others think.
*I would love to be able to lose weight faster. This 1 pound a week thing is getting old.
*I'm actually emotional over the fact I'm no longer nursing Summer.
*My number one prayer request for 7 years was answered 5 months ago.
*My sisters are people who I would die for without a second thought.
*I have so much to learn.
*The police scanner has been my best friend through the past six months of night shift.
*Nothing beats hearing cop stories at 6:30 am while sipping coffee. No better way to start the day as far as I'm concerned.
*I hope I can raise my girls to love Jesus and not man-made rules.
*It's been a long 3 weeks since I've been in church and I can't believe how much I miss my church family.
*Realizing that surrounding yourself with people much different than you is a good thing.
*I like having a job, but don't want it forever.
*Homeschooling is a very daunting thought.
*I could never explain just how much I appreciate my pastor, but I'll try.
*My two princesses teach me more about humility, flexibility, strength, endurance, determination, tenacity, and kindness than anything I've every experienced.
*Which means I go to bed alone and wake up with a man next to me. Scandalous!
*The past 6 weeks have been the 2nd most challenging journey in my life.
*I love Luke more than I could ever hope to express.
*I'm frustrated with rules.
*More than anything I want to love God and my family and finally not care what others think.
*I would love to be able to lose weight faster. This 1 pound a week thing is getting old.
*I'm actually emotional over the fact I'm no longer nursing Summer.
*My number one prayer request for 7 years was answered 5 months ago.
*My sisters are people who I would die for without a second thought.
*I have so much to learn.
*The police scanner has been my best friend through the past six months of night shift.
*Nothing beats hearing cop stories at 6:30 am while sipping coffee. No better way to start the day as far as I'm concerned.
*I hope I can raise my girls to love Jesus and not man-made rules.
*It's been a long 3 weeks since I've been in church and I can't believe how much I miss my church family.
*Realizing that surrounding yourself with people much different than you is a good thing.
*I like having a job, but don't want it forever.
*Homeschooling is a very daunting thought.
*I could never explain just how much I appreciate my pastor, but I'll try.
*My two princesses teach me more about humility, flexibility, strength, endurance, determination, tenacity, and kindness than anything I've every experienced.
Monday, December 23, 2013
My Life
What a crazy season of life this is! In my heart and mind I feel like I belong with the teenagers doing teenage things - staying up late, parties, holding down a full time job, being crazy and carefree. I'm not a teenager anymore though. I've got to somehow remember that. I'm a Mommy to two energized babies and a wife. If I'm up later than 11:00 I'm sunk the next day. Parties mean paying for a babysitter and crazy and carefree can equal irresponsible when two precious lives are now in your charge. As for a full time job, well I have a 24/7 job. If not careful, I can find myself longing for the "good ol days" of freedom and a crazy spirit. I realized that right now, right here may be the most precious time in my life; when two new lives are mine to take care of, nurture, and train. Embracing "mommyhood" took me a while. I have always been grateful for my girls, but as far as really embracing and owning the responsibility it didn't come naturally. I like sleeping in, dates, pretty clothes, time to myself, a solid paycheck, and the ability to leave the house whenever I choose. But I'll tell you what - Nothing, nothing beats waking up at 6:00am to two different sounds on two different monitors. One is Gwendolyn saying good morning to each of her animals and the other is Summer cooing and making smacking sounds with her little baby lips. My family = My life.
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